I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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