So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
