you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Enjoy the penises
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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