What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
