it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
