bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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