I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
