I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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