And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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