remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
