Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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