She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
whose ass print is on the piano?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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