Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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