that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
