I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
