You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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