You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
