I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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