M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
