Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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