Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
