evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
