Me too!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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