In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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