God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
