You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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