U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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