i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
