my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
