Cold hands, warm shart.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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