if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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