I've blown a few things in my day
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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