remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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