McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
