You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
