His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
