You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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