His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
