I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
