new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
