he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
