Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
