hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
