I could make wine with my vomit
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
