I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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