I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
