I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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