Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
