1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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