saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
