I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
