My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize