so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
