we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
