yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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