No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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