conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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