After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
