all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
the liver wants what the liver wants
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
