Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
