Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
