i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
