Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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