he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
