its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
