At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
