Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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