That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
