i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
